Reflection

My 2018 goals are written somewhere.  They’ve been rewritten over and over and over again these last 365 days.  In my final few days of the year, I’ve taken several moments to reflect and each time found myself revisiting thoughts like:

“I didn’t…”   “I should’ve…”   “I should be…”   “If I…”

And then I started early on my 2019 goals.  They are rather simple this year:

  • 365 days of meditation
  • 365 days of reading

IMG_3208Practicing my 10 minutes of daily reading I picked up a book I started back in October (Girl Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis).   Beginning at Chapter 8, I planned to complete one chapter per night but the title of Chapter 10 enticed me to keep reading.  The title as I am sure you’ve seen by now reads: “The lie: I should be further along by now.”

And just like that, my view on 2018 quickly changed and I hope yours will too after reading this.

My health progress in 2018: Prior to reading this chapter, I was so stuck on the fact that I am heavier today than I was back in September when I hit 40 pounds of weight loss since 2013 and was the lowest and most confident I’ve been since college.  But below are all of the positives I was ignoring (and I’m sure there are more I’m not thinking of):

  • Truth: I’m down 4.2 pounds from my weight on December 31st 2017.
  • Truth: I’m 9.2 pounds lighter now than my highest weight recorded during 2018.
  • Truth: Aside from numbers, I learned how a diet based on macro-nutrients can allow me to have sustainable weight loss without completely eliminating foods I enjoy from my diet like pizza, chocolate and ice cream.
  • Truth: I spent 10 months integrating myself into the yoga community and have begun my journey exploring the spiritual community and have seen improvements in my mental health from it.
  • Truth: I am able to sit alone in silence, slow down and face my emotions head-on rather than running from everything until it eventually comes back up stronger and more devastating than before.
  • Truth: I stopped taking birth control because I realized how much of a negative impact it had on my mood and emotions.  As a result, I have learned about more about my body and committed to other contraceptives.

My financial progress in 2018: I have always been hyper-sensitive to my finances, almost to a fault where I get anxiety if I don’t have a certain “number” (that was randomly made up by me at some point) in my savings account.  With that, I kept focusing the fact that “x money” is not in my savings.  Truths being ignored:

  • Truth: My credit card bills are all completely paid off.
  • Truth: My checking account is higher today than December 31st 2017
  • Truth: My savings account is higher today than December 31st 2017
  • Truth: I found a savings account that earns 2% interest and have made more interest this year than probably my lifetime in “traditional” savings accounts.  You can look into either Ally or Simple
  • Truth: I began investing on my own through Robinhood
  • Truth: I completely forgot that in November 2017 I set up two automatic investing payments that are going to low-risk investment accounts that I don’t even know how to access so my net worth is higher than what I think it is.
  • Truth: I began using You Need A Budget (YNAB) to help me further my progress with my finances.

I could go on and on about my reflection on my career, friends, family, etc… and how I turned those around and re-framed them in my mind but the point of this blog post is for you to also reflect on your truths.  I encourage you if you are feeling like you didn’t accomplish much of anything for 2018 to revisit your thoughts.  To get you started, I’ll quote a blurb from Chapter 10 written by Rachel Hollis:

“Our own negative self-talk can be more damaging than the emotional abuse heaped on us by a hateful parent.  It’s also far more insidious because there’s nobody there to stop it, since we rarely even realize it’s happening.  Beating ourselves up about all the things we think we’re doing wrong becomes a litany of white noise.  Eventually we don’t even hear it anymore.

And for what?  Because you thought you’d be partner at your firm by forty?  Because you can’t believe how much weight you’ve gained since having kids?  Because your sister is already married and you’re not even dating anyone?  Because you dropped out of college and didn’t get your degree?  And you’re thinking with every passing hour and day and week that it’s too late?

I call bullcrap.

With that, I’ll let you on your way with words spoken by my yoga instructor this morning.

“For 2019, I wish for you to breathe in the present moment instead of living in the past while worrying about the future.”

With love,

Elissa

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